1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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