i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You are a genius and a whore.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
