Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
