I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize