a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Buhtt sex?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
