I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
