I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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