I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
