I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
