i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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