My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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