btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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