I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
