Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
