How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
