Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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