what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
