I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
