pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
