I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
