just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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