um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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