Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
