I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
