i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
