She is in my trunk
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
