I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize