I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
