I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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