Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
