And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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