Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
