Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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