literally had 100 drinks last night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize