I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
