Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
