i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
