Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
