...so i touched it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
