East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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