I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
