she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
