I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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