At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
