Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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