i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
