Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
