my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
