Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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