when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
