Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
