She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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