im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
