I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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