I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
