guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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