I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
