I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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