when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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