I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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