can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
40s are totally the cure
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
