i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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