I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
