Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
