Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
