YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
