It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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