Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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