It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's never too late to be topless.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
50% drunk capacity currently
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
