btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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