I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
