I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
