why didn't you poke me back
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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