I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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