I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
